Chairman Mao the Burmese Cat

Ridiculously handsome, of superior intelligence, and capable of stalking and killing the most fearsome moths in the world, I shall blog my incredibly interesting adventures from all over my Melbourne townhouse, just for you. I'm into reciprocal grooming, so link me and I'll link you back.

Friday, December 30, 2005

Claw-Clipping Conundrums and MoggBlogging

Because I am ridiculously good-looking, and because these days lookst are associated with wisdom, and anyway because I am also greatly wise, I have been asked for advice by another esteemed MoggBlogger.

KittyBrown has made this name for us, to MoggBlogg. It is good. It is growse. Like Salmon. Or Grouse. I digress...

The query from Pavlov's Cat is:
I would like very much to know whether it is all right to let the simian trim my nails.
Is there some Cat Law that says I should try to stop her (bite her ferociously on the arm or such)? You seem a wise feline and I am sure you will know. I too am extremely beautiful and cannot see why she would want to change my appearance in any way. Simians are very strange.
You are rights to comes to me with this painful conundrum. Simians are, indeed, very strange, and it is of course no secret that I'm wise beyond my year.

The Law is, as the saying goes, a human. So it conflicts with no rational or civilised logicst. Thus there are two laws a cat must choose betweens:

1) When in doubt, bite extremely hard; or

2) Always extract maximum strategic advantage.

Simians is are not the brightest of creatures, but they can connect consequences if a sophisticateds moggy is consistent.

My simians have two prominent flaws (on top of all the inherent flaws associated with being of a lower-order species):

1) Failure to feed me enough Salmon. I likst Salmon, why is this hard for the monkeys to compute?

2) Failure to allow me to sleepst smack-bang in the middle of the bed with my bum shoved into one of them and my feet shoved into the other.

My approach is straightsforwards. When failures are being adequately addressed (never expect more than adequate and you won'tst be too disappointeds with your simians) then clipping may occur.

(We don't understand why they would want to alter our exceptional beauty either, but this is a Machiavellian compromise aimed at extracting the most importanses things- like Salmon.)

When failures are woefully apparent, and for me this involvest serving me crud like pate and making me sleep in the laundry with their filthy ape-clothes smell, then the response is...

...allow the act to commence, close your eyes like you are blissfully happies, then suddenly spring into action - simultaneously sinking your teeth into the soft underside of the wrists and diggings hard into the crotch with your back feet!

This sendst a message, I feel, that even a simian can only fail to understand for so long.

It is importance that you must be consistent!

Now I must go. They have not left me any fishies today, so I will rub my itchy sphincter on their pillows before heading out for some windowsill action.

2 Comments:

  • At 2:10 pm, Blogger Pavlov's Cat said…

    Thank you, O wise and beautiful one.

    I wish you SALMON and many moths to kill (just keep them away from me -- ever heard a tortoiseshell scream?).

     
  • At 6:36 pm, Blogger Princess Cleo said…

    Ah ha! You know not the wrath of a Calico! My staff petulantly show this unruly habit of unplanned reflexes when I am nicely settled. I duly show them the Full Wrath of my displeasure. Ah! Major Bities and Simultaneous Hindleg Kick of Death!

    And then we're all friends again.

    Until the next time.

     

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