Chairman Mao the Burmese Cat

Ridiculously handsome, of superior intelligence, and capable of stalking and killing the most fearsome moths in the world, I shall blog my incredibly interesting adventures from all over my Melbourne townhouse, just for you. I'm into reciprocal grooming, so link me and I'll link you back.

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

I am busyness now I can't blog sorry

I havest a friend!

She is sweets. Soooo sweets.

Her name is Minh, and, and, she's likest me in that 'cause she is a cat, and, and, also it is conceivable that we havest the same dad 'cause she came from the same breeder as me and, and, she is half burmese and half persian!

And also she is sweets! She plays and runs around and stuff.

And I lickst her bum and other bits and she's like, she's like cat! It is good, and it is grouse.

I have forgivens baldy and longhair. I have also changeds, becomes distractmuss. I haves to play with her! If I am blogging I hast to let her blog too and she is not a good typister so instead I think actually we are going to play with other stuff.

I do loves you all, please knows it, and you can always, ALWAYS, bring me salmon, by dropping in on Baldy my simian's Blog and seeing if I have posteds or if he has posteds about me. I know he will from time to time.

But for now, I must says goodbye, adieu, adios, and stuffs. I will misses you all!

Hairy tis, a whiskery kiss for alls of you ..... xxx

Monday, January 16, 2006

I havest a Meme!

I have hadst a meme is thrown at me!

Lucy the simian who is owned by a nice cat called Baz has done this thing. I know not what it is, or why it is? But I will try and do it, because I likest to be loved, and also because I am mad as a cat in a hell full of dogs and needs distractmuss, and also because then maybe Lucy or Baz will linkst me and thereby show me love.

I musts say the 5 wierdest things that what I do!

*cocks head*

*right ear goes back*

*right ear comes forward*

That is number one. Wants to see it again? Scroll up 6 lines.

Now what is else is there? I am not wierd at all, because I am beautiful and smart. But I know what my simians find wierd, I shall share it, on the assumption that you will all bring me salmon.

Number two.... well, see I see a bird and I lookst at the bird and I bravely do this fearsome and scary and brave, did I mention brave? thing which is whats that I utter a sounds like an outboard motor on a boat- whatever that is, ask baldy, and I dislocates my lower jaw, and my lower jaw goes ins and outs real fast while I make the noise.
"naga- naga- naga-naga- naga-naga- naga-naga- naga-naga- naga-naga- naga naga- naga-naga- naga-naga- naga-naga- naga-naga- naga-naga- naga-naga-naga-naga- naga-naga- naga-naga- naga-!!"
That's it- cool is it not?

Number three... I gets on the couch and I licks baldy's head. I knows cats does this, even when 'tis not reciprocuss, buts I do it and do it and do it and if baldy didst not stop and shift I would lick his head off! My tongue its is like a cheese grater!

Number four... I write a blog. I'm a cat, it is, I am told, exceptionally wierd.

And number fives.... well, I complain and complain thats I want more company and I mewl and look longingly at other cats what it is walks around my house but if you put one anywhere near me I GO &*%*&% PSYCHO AND I WANTS TO KILL IT WHY DOESN'T IT SHUT UP WHY DOES ITSMELL LIKE OTHER THAN WHAT I IS WHY IS IT HERE WHY DO THEY NOT LOVE ME I AM GOING TO KILL SOMETHING OR AT LEAST DO THE NAGA-NAGA AT IT OH I DON'T CARE ABOUT SALMON ANY MORE I JUST WANTS THE PLACE TO MYSELF AGAIN.

WHAT ARE YOU STARING AT?!?!?!?!

...

Sorry, I'm upsets.

That is all. I must go hiss at a door.

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Hhhchchchchssst!!

HDkfk&^&jdf&^&^!


...


rrrrRRRRRAAAEEEEOooowwwwwrrr....


...


HHSHSSTT!!!


*makes as if to bite*


*rolls*


*stares*

Baldy hitst me it's cat abuse filthy simian they is traitorsmuss! Ok I bits him and trieds to bites him and longhairs on the heads well not really but I wast tryings to tell them stuff and they did nothing about it and it smells and its smell is on them and nobody loves me and I'm going to be thrown out and rejected and replaceds.

...


LOOK!

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

I have stuffs for you and you

Because I likes you and you are what lovest me 'cause you visits me (although none of you brings me salmon yet, not really!) and even I don't mind so muches the simians what also leaves their filthy paws on my site- but good-filthy for a simians, I means no offences- aanyway 'cause of all this and stuff I have presents for you.

Also some of you are is girly cats and I likest girls. Please don't believes what they mutterst about my bolloxt, I am a healthy boy with a healthy appetite.

Certainly for salmon.

And my bolloxt is still there, but just a tiny bit smaller.

Really tis.

I HAVE A SAX STILL OK ITS NOT MY FAULT DON'T LAUGHS AT ME I DIDN'T DECIDE TO TAKE ME AND POP MY JATST CRACKERS OUT AT THE SMELLY PLACE WITH THE WOMEN IN WHITE COATST PLEASE DON'T LAUGH OR I'LL TAKE YOUR EARLOBE OFF AND EATS IT WITH MY CASSYROLES.

...

*rolls over*

*rolls back*

So anyway what do you have for me today?

Okee I gives YOU stuff today, I see. It ist nothings you verily will be thrilled of, just linkst that what is fun and givens to me by you. But maybe you haven't read them. Not you, you other than you that lefts the links. YOU KNOWS WHAT I MEAN.

Sorry, bad day, baldy is upsets and angry at work.

So... Hairy Tis....

Cutesmuss!!

*prrrr*

And...AND EVERYTHINGS I WROTE FROM HERE DOWN WAS NOT SAVED AND PUBLISHED BY BLOGGER THAT IS RUN BY STUPID STUPID SIMIANS.

Seriousmuss, that sucks. I had quotes and alls. OK, I writes again, hairy tis...

Fat Pets!

The sweet (though simian) ladycracked has asks me to comment on this arctical. This is what its hays:
A survey of British vets and owners showed that one in three pets, or 33 per cent, were considered overweight and 38 per cent of pet owners said their animals put on weight over Christmas.
Well they WOULD says that wouldn'ts they?

Like baldy and longhairs they eat sand eat sand eat sand eats but when their poor lovings superiour neglecteds puddah says love me, and givest me just a smidgeon morsal scraps of salmon they go callings them FAT.

FAT!

Stupid apes, fat themselves, like rottweilers too dopey to get back down on all fours.

So I says the arctical is CRAP. I provides proofs, cast your forensix eyes over the last sentenst:
About 30,000 human deaths a year in Britain are attributable to obesity, health experts say.
What, I ask you, does this have to do with an arctical about Pets??

Nothing, they just had nothings of relevance to say.

Journalist art-school dropout simian trash.

Now, you must go. Though a quick scratches on the head topst is not out of the questions.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Laughings at simians

Funny, like a fly caught behinds a window sill.

Brilliance blonde jokest!

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Thanks you, but where is my salmon?

Nice simians have spoken about how much they love me and other stuff that doesn't matter over at baldy's blog.

Thankst!

*leg rubs*

But you can say nice things all you wants but the proof is in the casserole. Salmon casserole. Where is it?

Baldy wents to a MoggBlogg and tooks longhair but left me, alone, borings, with only a small bit of salmon that was cruelty it was so small. I slepst on their bed all evening whiles they were out, but when I heards them returns I (cleverly) ran down and positioned myself next to the door, like it is where I had been waitings all night. As if!

Anyway, because they ises deluded as to how important they are, they thought I was missings them all night and felt bad and gave me more salmons. And because I was still not happiness with Baldy I squeezed out the entirety contents of my bowels in all 4 corners of the tray thingy so it mades him grab hist front-head and make a noise like on mornings when he leans over the sink groaning and smelling of alcyhol.

He tookst the tray out, at 1 in the morning, I noted with satisfactionmuss!

Then I realised maybe I wents too far maybe they will not loves me (although how could that be? I do not know...) and will NOT feed me salmon?! So I gaves lots of kisses in the morning and was grouse and they knews it because tonight I got to WALK on a lead.

I was carried to some leafy stuffs with smells like you wouldn't believe! Then I was carried to the top of the hill where once I met another burmese what was a simian! There were 2 dogs there - dogs are sooo stupid- and of COURSE I wast not scared. I leapt up bravely to fight and defeats them and only accidentalsmuss landed on baldy's shoulders and somehow caughts my nails in his shirt and couldn't comes down until the dogs had gone again.

Foul creatures!

Anyway then I walkst more and showed baldy and longhair thats I was boss ('cept when they kept picking me upst) and took them home.

I walkst! I'm a clever cat, aren't I?

*prrrr*

That is all. Feed me salmon, and loves me...

Thursday, January 05, 2006

I climbed over the wall

My simians are is upset.

Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Help Me

SOSst. Shhh. I is trapst, I am abused like an RSPCA picture or Britney Spearis.

Baldy has lockst me away, under the stairs.

...

Cause its BOO-RRINNG! And I've eatens my salmon. Dad gots me salmon cassyroles today and it was yum and I atest it all and I insertst my claw into the skins on his kneecap and so he LOVEST me and gave me more and also I ate it too.

It was grouse.

But now, I am nots loved, cause, cause I am lockst up for the night.

Ba-ldy....longhair... they is ignores me...

BALDY LONGHAIR LET ME OUT I WON'T I WON'T WAKE YOU UPS WELL NOT TOO MUCH JUST EVERY COUPLES OF HOURS BUT I WILL BE BOY OF LOVE AND HUGS AND THE BEST BEST CAT LET ME OUT... LET ME OUT DAMN YOU INBRED SIMIAN PIECES OF MAGGOT RIDDEN DOG CORPSE!!

Guys...?

I didn't means it, not really. OK you can keep me here, just give me a little more salmonses. Just a bit, I likes it.

...

*licks leg*

*licks balls, bum*

...

*Flopst*

Prrrrrr......

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

People Likes Us! Perhaps too much...?

Today I plays with my toy that's plastic and round and has a bird inside it that I can slapst and slapst and it goes one way then the other way then the first way and so on. It is goodly. I gots it from another cat, for Catsmass.

People are says they likest me. This of course is because I am ridiculously good looking and intelligent, and because simians is easily impresseds.

Still, of course, yam happy.

See here at comment 29, random lovings.

And here, the well-named Pats would appear to have an interest in some intra-species lovings..
I have a little canoe I take up the Nepean and was wondering if you would like to come along. There would be lots of fun and games and of course salmon. I could hide it and you would find it. I also have a little sailors outfit you could wear. Doesn't it sound like fun?
Noo, it is not what we likes to fun. And don't be tryings to scratch our bottoms.

You- simian, Mao - feline. Jiggy-jiggy no-no!

But you can bring salmon to me at MoggBlogging.

Tired, so tired

*s-t-r-r-e-e-t-c-h*

...

* a-r-r-c-h-h-h*

OK, I typest. Because I know you love me, because I'm absurdly handsome.

But I am, alas, tired. And I have spotted a free area on the simians' bed, between longhair and baldy. It is mine, I wants it.

Today they came back after 2 days of neglecting me. I was left with only 10 minutes worth of fish! I guzzles it, then goes to ask for more, and they have left.

I am sad when they go away. Of course, it is good to have maximum run of the housies. To traipst across the kitchen tables with appropriate impunity. And they are rather stupid, being simian and all. But why am I rejected?

How can they leave me, when I am so beautiful? Do they not loves me enough?

I like to eat salmon.

Anyway I wants to tell you about a victorious battle experience: I saw a fly in the house and I followsd it and it flew up the stairs and I patiently hunteds it like a Lion or something else that hunts, stuff, and anyway it came down into the living room so I *cleverly* lay still on the couch watching it then it landed on a window and I snuck up and I grabsd at it but it slipped away.

But I injured it, I know it, I saw it was flying less-properly!

So I beat it.

I was very very brave. Am I not the most BRAVEST cat you have seen?

I AM very brave, like a Tiger or whatnot.